The Karpman Drama Triangle
(Picture courtesy of choiceconflictresolution.com)
The drama triangle (developed by Stephen Karpman) is a model of human behaviour which describes how toxic relationships can develop and spiral.
Most of us know someone who has been/ is in the drama triangle, or they can relate to the model themselves.
The basic premise is that, in a toxic relationship, two people will assume a role each which is normally an unconscious choice. This role will dictate the way that the majority of the relationship plays out.
The victim always appears at the bottom of the triangle and is a ‘helpless’ mode. The victim will often feel hopeless and assumes no responsibility for self whatsoever. They ‘do not know anything or cannot achieve anything.’ Victims are looking for a ‘saviour’, somebody to take responsibility for them, to help them and support them.
The persecutor works solely with power and control. They can be extremely judgemental, to a very severe level. A persecutor will be looking for a victim, as victims are perceived as easy to control and wield power over. Persecutors often get a kick out of the emotional distress that they cause to others.
The rescuer will endlessly put others before themselves. They will also seek out a victim who appears to need ‘saving.’ They want to help, but the help they offer is not authentic. It does not allow the victim to grow in any helpful way. Instead it keeps the person in that role dependent on the rescuer.
When the victim relies too heavily on the rescuer and seemingly ‘takes too much’, the rescuer will become annoyed and angry at this constant level of help. This means that the rescuer can often then switch roles into persecutor mode and attempt to exert more power and control over the victim.
Healthy relationships with others are based on honesty, trust, limits and boundaries. Relationships within the Karpman Triangle are void of all these things. Somebody who is an inherent victim or rescuer will often ‘seek out’ or ‘drag’ others into certain roles in order to satisfy their needs. For example, a persecutor would not seek out another persecutor as the power level would consistently be under threat. A persecutor will seek out a victim, who has absolutely no control and therefore is no threat to a persecutor.
If anybody on the triangle enters into a relationship with a person with healthy boundaries, this will be highly challenging for the person on the triangle. Because, in some way, their sinister and unhealthy needs are not being met and therefore the relationship is ‘useless.’
So how does this relate to clients in the therapy room?
Many clients come to counselling citing problems within their relationships- this could be a romantic relationship, a family issue or troubles in friendships. After a period of time exploring the communication issues they experience, the Drama Triangle can offer an explanation for some behaviours that may be causing underlying issues.
Of course not every toxic relationship plays into the Drama Triangle- some relationships may occasionally ‘slip’ into the triangle with an underlying trigger that can be addressed separately.
Those relationships that are even more sinister in nature may even feature on The Dark Triad. This triad is a psychological theory of personality that describes offensive, non-pathological personality types. Whilst narcissism and Machiavellianism can feature within the Drama Triangle, both are extreme types of personality disorders that most people don’t display on a continual basis.
It can be upsetting to learn that one of your crucial relationships features highly on the Drama Triangle, however having an awareness of this can often be the turning point in order to improve future relationships.
What can clients do going forward?
If the client identifies as a victim, they can begin learning to take responsibility for themselves. Focusing on their own capabilities and developing a stronger sense of self-worth will be crucial. They need to learn to help themselves, and only ask for help from others when it is truly needed.
If the client identifies as a rescuer, they need to work on helping in a more empathetic way. Rescuers often feel ‘guilty’ if they are not helping others in some way. But the helping will usually be to the detriment of themselves. Rescuers need to take better control of themselves. Learning to say ‘no’ to others is a key feature of releasing self from the rescuer role.
If the client identifies as a persecutor, they need to create a more assertive environment. The focus and self-work needs to turn inwards rather than consistently be outwards towards others. They need to learn how to respect other people’s values and beliefs, and celebrate in their successes rather than focus on their failures.
Interestingly a person can be seen as a persecutor when they are trying to put boundaries into a relationship. Of course boundaries are healthy and extremely necessary in order for a relationship to grow. But many people who are experiencing boundary changes will push against them because they indicate change, which many people are uncomfortable with. The person putting in the boundaries will also be changing as an individual- growing and developing, which the other person may find very challenging.
The key to leaving the Drama Triangle is self-awareness. Once an individual is aware of a trait they possess on the triangle, they can work through moving away from these behaviours in therapy. The work is not easy but can be highly beneficial for an individual going forward, particularly with future relationships. If 2 people find themselves dancing around the triangle together, then both must change their behaviours in order for a healthy relationship to grow and flourish.