Valentines Day- all hearts and flowers?
The 14th February is traditionally known as Valentines Day. The origin of this day is, in the most part, unknown.
St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman Saint. During the 3rd century Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time recruiting male soldiers for his army. He believed that many young men were unwilling to come forward because they had a strong attachment to their wives. Therefore Claudius banned marriage. However St. Valentine defied this and, as a clergyman, continued to perform marriage for lovers in secret.
This secret was exposed and St Valentine was executed on the 14th February.
This is one version of a tale regarding Valentines Day. Other tales recount a large number of different people that were known, or had some relation to, St. Valentine.
St. Valentines Day on the 14th February also runs concurrent with the Pagan Festival of love called Lupercalia. During this Festival, the names of many women were placed in a box and a number of men would pick these names randomly. There was then a courtship between these women and men. It is thought that this particular tradition ceased at the end of the 5th century.
Over time Valentines Day became a day for exchanging flowers, chocolates and love poems.
For many people Valentines Day is a chance to spend time with your spouse or loved one, to give and receive gifts and even perhaps enjoy a nice meal. However for many others, Valentines Day can be a painful reminder of how we are alone in a society where great importance is placed upon being ‘coupled up.’
In the last 200 years, Valentines Day has had connotations with shops making profits and hiking up prices for items such as flowers, chocolates and teddy bears. This practice often removes the true meaning of Valentines Day and can feel like a rather expensive day for those who are expected to take part.
Why is it that we need a specific day to celebrate romantic love? In this busy day and age, perhaps love as a daily notion is hard to achieve. Having a specific day to celebrate the idea of love can actually take away daily practices of appreciation. It can also invite disappointment if the day is forgotten or falls short of the high expectation that Valentines Day elicits.
Valentines Day can often encourage comparison, which is never good for improving mental health. Seeing photographs of happy couples on Social Media can leave one questioning their own relationship. Comparing an idealistic photograph taken on Valentines Day to the daily practices of love can be wildly inaccurate and damaging.
Valentines Day can often highlight to those who are single that they are excluded from celebrating such an occasion. Since when was being a single person a bad thing?
In the last few years Valentines Day has taken more of a focus on those we love in general. This could be our parents, children or even good friends. Young children often make Valentines cards in school to give to their parents/ grandparents/ care givers. We can use February 14th to take Mum or Dad (or both) out to dinner, or use it as a great excuse to catch up with a friend. Even pets can now be included in the Valentines celebrations!
Above all, it is most important to be kind to oneself. Avoidance of Valentines Day is permitted, or celebrating it in any way you would like is also allowed. The notion of love is not merely saved for the lovers but can be extended throughout our lives, every day.